What's my next move? is the question that haunts many that have experienced divorce. Some second guess their decision, and question God, as a full range of emotions, from pain to anger heavily weigh on a heart that is already broken.
Bitterness may set in with disdain for all things pertaining to love and romance. After experiencing the disintegration of your marital vows, you vow yet again to NEVER LOVE AGAIN. You now view life through the foggy lens of despair.
As I write this, I'm thinking of the many people that I've ministered to that were divorced for different reasons; reasons that I'm not looking to address in this message. But I am seeking to encourage those with heavy hearts who are still trying to navigate their way through the hurt and sadness of a divorce.
For me to say to you that life goes on may be true, but "will life go on with me carrying a broken heart?" is what so many are asking. Not being able to see beyond your present pain brings on hopelessness and misery.
I believe that divorce is a type of death. It is the death of a union of two individuals that had come together intending to be one for the rest of their lives. In marriage, the process of becoming one, when it is undone, causes wounds to the individuals involved. While in some cases a person me be (glad) to get away from their spouse, it's still a traumatic thing to endure.
For the believer, there are theological concerns to consider as it relates to the issue of divorce. I won't speak to that at this time because I want to simply remind those that are divorced that God still loves them. God still has a purpose and design on your life.
Sometimes when a great failure occurs in our lives (some see divorce as a failing grade in the school of love), it makes us ponder and question if we missed God. We wonder if we're hearing God as we should; "am I following the leading of His Spirit?" But what's most important to remember is that God knows every step we take in life. Even what we would call missteps and stepping outside of His will, don't take Him by surprise.
God doesn't always shield us from negative experiences. Some lessons are best learned and remembered when there is pain connected to it. Although God does not delight in our suffering, He knows that painful experiences often produce in us a desire to seek Him as never before. Knowing that He's the Healer and Mender of broken hearts, let your pain push you into the presence of the Prince of peace.
THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE
How do you view your marriage that ended in divorce? You may see it as a wrong turn in your life; or a bad choice in the first place. Maybe looking back, you're able to see that God warned you not to marry that person through family or friends; but you barreled through His stop sign. God sees all of our negative experiences as the potential path that can lead us to greater commitment, soul searching, and our hearts wanting His purpose to come forth in our lives. Romans 8:28 reminds us, and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.
You ask, "but will I love again?" That's the wrong question and focus. Of course it's natural, after a relationship ends to at (some point) want to try again. But there is a necessary healing that must occur and a resetting of your spiritual compass. Please don't make the common mistake of simply trying to replace the space that your marriage took up in your life with another relationship. Many overlap relationships, never allowing their heart to heal. Having never recovered from the devastation of their divorce, they limp into another relationship almost assuring a disjointed situation heading for disaster.
The focus should be on living; the concentration should be on all things pertaining to restoration and abundant life in Christ. Allow the Author and Finisher of your faith to order your steps and lead you into that place of contentment and true peace.
HOPE IN GOD
Some people just don't do the "ALONE THING" well. They have to have somebody. Not realizing that their neediness often leads them into making hasty, unwise choices. And just like that, you're alone again.
You may feel as though your divorce has stripped you of the best of you. Maybe you fought with everything that was in you to save your marriage when you realized that it was in trouble. You may feel as though you were deceived, manipulated or lied to. And the aftermath of it all is you feel like you were left for dead. You may be hanging on by a thread, emotionally, and spiritually, just going through the motions.
Possibly, you were at fault. The divorce may be the result of your wrongdoing. Maybe your spouse felt as though your issues were beyond what they could stand or live with. And now you're left feeling dreadful regrets and guilt because of what you believe you put your spouse through. Your divorce is not a death sentence.
There is hope for you. Your divorce does not define you. It didn't catch God by surprise. God in His infinite wisdom has already accounted for it! God has orchestrated and arranged the details of your life to align with His perfect will even after your divorce, because He loves you. You are His precious child.
If you'll only seek Him, He'll gradually and gently disclose to you the special things that are in His heart for you concerning your future. Your divorce is not a death sentence; it's a wakeup call! It's alerting you to reflect on your past, extracting the lessons that God reveals to your heart and move forward. Let God guide you through the valley and shadow of death until you emerge from the darkness of your divorce. Step into the light of what God has awaiting you; a glorious future where He will perform every promise that He's made to you.
Time doesn't heal all wounds, but God does. Time only marks the duration of your pain; but when you give your pain to the Healer, He makes that pain produce a valuable lesson that causes you to grow and become a better person.
Your life is still in God's hands. Trust Him to address your yesterday; trust Him to take care of your today; trust and believe Him for your tomorrow.
From the heart and hand of Pastor Reginald Reaves
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